Men are not men because they are old enough and they are not men because they produce children. Men are men when their relationships cost them more than their selfishness. I don't believe I was a man when I got married or when I had my first child, I was operating in my responsibilities for sure but it was what I was supposed to do. I was just comparing myself to other lost boys living out 'fake it, 'til you make it' theology.
I became aware I was becoming a man when surrendering to Christ was my only option...when I asked God to father me for the first time. By that time 3 of my 4 children were born and I was jobless and just settling into a home we couldn't afford even before I lost my job. That was the toughest most humbling and empowering year of my life. I spoke to God and he answered. He gave me a vision for my life, he invited me in and did what I asked, he began to father me.
I began to see that the selfishness of my heart was dulling my masculine growth. It sounds like a contradiction for sure. But what if your penis size did not have power over you...what if your check book didn't give you a name? I began to think of becoming a man and that that is exactly what God wanted me to become. How do you set out in becoming a man, isn't it just supposed to happen? Well, sure I didn't follow a formula or take a class, but the first step for me was to stop trying to be the strongest man in my life. I had to leave room for at least one more, they call him Prince of Peace, Mighty God, Wonderful Counselor, Everlasting Father (Is 9:6). Becoming the man God wanted me to be was more about my surrender to His fatherhood than my ability to just be tougher. I needed to be teachable.
If you know me at all, you know I don't lack confidence. Some may even confess that I never have, but that confidence doesn't come from my own strength but from my interaction with the one who holds my heart in his hands.
I'm boasting...a little. But ultimately I boast in the transforming power of Christ in my life. I could fake it like the rest of the world and maybe my personality is not a whole lot different than it was 6 years ago, but I know this. The story God has written of my life over the last 6 years is much greater and amazing that I could ever have asked for and the relief I now have in knowing that its not all up to me, has allowed me to lead my family courageously.
