Damage Control

So we have had a week to stew on the disappointing results of our contract falling through. I wish I had a more victorious story about how God has brought us through unscathed. That is definitely not the case.

We just, as in this morning at church, reconciled our hearts to God about the situation we are in. I began to entertain the thoughts of life without 'Discovery Church', asking myself what I missed, and what was the purpose of this failure? Why does God not want us to go and what else is out there? We were stressed, confused, conflicted, convicted, pouty, angry, (did I say confused...?) and other emotions.

We were exercising our minds, trying to figure out God, and not liking the options we were coming up with. Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and early this Sunday morning we, honestly, were unsure what God was doing. We were making contingency plans and searching for other jobs on the internet. Conflicted in our hearts, we were "grasping for straws" for any ray of hope. Anyone ever felt this way about God? Anyone ever given or been given any good advice about how to deal with it?

This morning God whispered to me while in church, "Why are you treating me like an adversary?"...and that was it. I realized that in our search for clarity and direction, we were distancing ourselves from God. Adversary is the literal definition for Satan. So I know that what draws me away from peace with God is the "adversary" working to create disunity. I am not a "devil behind every corner" kind of guy, but like in the garden, with Adam and Eve, I was listening to reasoning that was in direct contrast to what we heard just a few weeks ago.

Just weeks ago we were celebrating with friends that God confirmed His call in us to N.C. and that we just needed to be patient and persevere. We knew then that God was writing an amazing story about us to lead and encourage others. It is not a funny thing to know that the next opportunity to show perseverance, we (I) failed miserably.

Thank You God, that You are patient with me. Help me to be patient with my kids and family. You give me what I don't deserve, and You don't give me what I do deserve...like a lightning bolt up my......;)